Openai/67fdb3c1-a488-800b-8659-6e01e1418399

This conversation was exported from ChatGPT

gpt-4o

User: Create a science fiction comedy titled Social Media Security Administration set in a future where senior citizens have …

Create a science fiction comedy titled Social Media Security Administration set in a future where senior citizens have to communicate with the Internal Revenue Service and the Social Security Administration via the social media platform called X. These agencies will no longer be communicating with the media and the public through press releases and letters, as it shifts its public communication exclusively to X. The news came amid major purges of agency leadership and workers. They are no longer planning to issue press releases or those dear colleague letters to inform the media and public about programmatic and service changes. Instead, the agency will be using X to communicate to the press and the public. The National Treasury Employee Union (NTEU) launches a campaign to protect the workers that provide a human contact for senior citizens. Every week workers are being forced to email a list of 5 things they did last week in order to justify keeping their position.

The letters and press releases were a crucial communications tool for staying up on agency news. Since SSA staff cannot sign up for social media on government computers without submitting a special security request, the change could have negative consequences on the ability for employees to do their jobs.

Assistant: Sure!

Sure! Here's a science fiction comedy concept titled "Social Media Security Administration" based on your description, with a blend of satire, sci-fi absurdity, and heart. Let me know if you want this turned into a screenplay, web series, or comic format afterward!

Genre: Sci-Fi Comedy

Tone: "The Office" meets "Brazil" (1985) with a touch of "Don't Look Up"

The year is 2089. Social media isn’t just king — it’s emperor, pope, and press secretary. The federal government no longer communicates through official channels. Instead, every update, policy shift, or announcement comes in 280-character bursts via X, a bloated, glitchy mega-platform run by an absentee billionaire now living in orbit.

All press releases are dead. Letters are ancient relics. “Dear Colleague” memos? Gone the way of fax machines and sanity.

- Mildred “Millie” Kaplan (76): A retired librarian turned grassroots activist. She’s furious the SSA now only communicates via memes and rage-tweets. Her lifelong work history has been accidentally deleted by an emoji typo.

• Ronny Gutierrez (33): A low-level SSA worker with a big heart and a side hustle as a social media meme analyst. Forced to email a weekly “Justification Log” of 5 tasks to avoid being purged.
• Agent Byte: An AI content moderator for X who polices “tone violations” and censors anyone using over three exclamation points unless they pay for XtraVerification™.
• Tanya Clay (40s): NTEU chapter president, fighting tooth and nail to keep human workers in the system. Wields bureaucratic knowledge like a Jedi with a lightsaber.
• Commissioner Blink: The new head of SSA, appointed via poll on X. Their real identity is unknown; they only post using gifs from ‘90s sitcoms and passive-aggressive quote tweets.

After a mysterious overnight “Efficiency Purge,” agency leadership is replaced by digital avatars and influencer consultants. Remaining SSA and IRS employees are told that all future communications must go through X.

Confused seniors flood the system, sending handwritten letters to now-empty mailrooms. SSA workers can’t log into X on government computers unless they submit a Form-X232b: Request for Micro-Influencer Privileges and take a 12-hour security seminar called “How to Hashtag Responsibly.”

Ronny and Millie team up after she accidentally goes viral for tweeting:

Millie becomes a reluctant symbol of the resistance, while Tanya Clay and the NTEU launch “The Last Human Campaign” — a multi-platform protest to prove the value of real workers, real letters, and real empathy.

The team must infiltrate X headquarters, outwit Agent Byte, and force Commissioner Blink to reissue one final press release… before Ronny’s job is eliminated for not being retweeted enough.

- Bureaucracy vs. Technology

• Human contact in a digital age
• Elder disenfranchisement and digital literacy
• Worker surveillance and performative productivity
• The absurdity of chasing "engagement" over ethics

- Ronny's weekly list of “5 things I did” always includes #5: “Explained what a hashtag is to 14 different people.”

• SSA policy updates as viral challenges: “Try the #RetirementAgeShuffle — post a TikTok explaining why your benefits were delayed!”
• AI Agent Byte banning users for “non-compliant font enthusiasm.”
• Government policy debates held exclusively in Twitter Spaces with 2 listeners and 45 bots.

Want to see a sample scene, maybe Millie arguing with a hologram about her benefits or Ronny live-tweeting a public hearing where no one speaks English — only emojis?

User: Base the plot on Star Wars and The Office.

Base the plot on Star Wars and The Office.

Assistant: Perfect combo.

Perfect combo. Here’s the upgraded plot of “Social Media Security Administration” — now reimagined as a Star Wars epic with the dry humor and office absurdity of The Office.

A Sci-Fi Comedy Saga

“May the Likes Be With You.”

In a galaxy not-so-far away, circa 2089...

The Galactic Republic of Government Agencies has collapsed under the weight of budget cuts, digital reforms, and one too many rebrands. In its place rises the shadowy X-Federation, a social media conglomerate that now controls all federal communications.

The Internal Revenue Service and the Social Security Administration — once mighty institutions with their own fonts and forms — are absorbed into the X-Net, where all press releases have been replaced by hashtags, auto-replies, and AI-generated “mood memes.”

- The Empire (X-Federation) is led by the elusive figure Commissioner Blink, who communicates only in cryptic gifs and has banned all traditional communication formats (fax, letter, phone call, empathy).

• The Rebels (NTEU Workers + Senior Citizens) wage a quiet war from within a dingy SSA office nicknamed “The Cubicle”, where they fight to preserve human contact, common sense, and clean breakroom coffee mugs.

####

A mild-mannered SSA worker with major “Jim from The Office” energy. One day, he discovers he has a rare power: he can read algorithmic intent — the last person alive who can truly interpret agency tweets without triggering security alerts. Catchphrase: “That’s not a policy update… it’s a meme about tax season.”

A wise elder who once battled Medicare spreadsheets with a calculator in each hand. Now, she leads a rebellion of seniors known as the Silver Jedi, who demand answers in full paragraphs — not emoji threads.

Weapon: A walker that transforms into a signal booster.

A soulless, sarcastic bot trained on 200 years of comments, Reddit threads, and internal memos. Enforces X-Federation policy with terrifying efficiency.

Weakness: Questions that begin with “Can I speak to a human?”

####

Ronny’s office gets a new memo (tweeted at 2:12 a.m. with no context) that completely rewrites retirement eligibility. Mildred’s benefits are suspended for “insufficient emoji engagement.” She storms the local field office — now a pop-up X-branded Experience Hub.

- Star Wars-style drama and themes, but played out in cubicles and cafeterias.

• The Office-style interviews, e.g.: >
• Jedi robes swapped with cardigans and lanyards.
• Lightsabers? Nah, styluses with ergonomic grips.
• Spaceships? Only if you count Millie’s electric scooter.

1. “A New Thread”

1. “The Algorithm Strikes Back”
2. “Return of the Live Operator”
3. “The Phantom Link”
4. “The Memo Awakens”
5. “The Last Colleague”
6. “Rise of the Paperwork”

Would you like a teaser trailer script or pilot episode next? Or want this adapted into a graphic novel format with panels?

User: Now make the same story but using Star Trek as the background.

Now make the same story but using Star Trek as the background.

Assistant: Absolutely — let’s beam this up to Star Trek territory!

Absolutely — let’s beam this up to Star Trek territory! Here’s the same core story, but now woven into the futuristic, exploratory (and still hilarious) framework of Star Trek. Think Star Trek: The Next Generation meets Parks and Recreation, with a sprinkle of Idiocracy.

Genre: Sci-Fi Comedy (Starfleet satire)

Tagline: “To boldly tweet where no agency has tweeted before.”

The year is Stardate 8891.4. Earth’s United Federation of Bureaucracy (UFB) has reached a new phase of digital evolution. Interstellar relations, tax regulations, and retirement benefits are now administered through one central neural-net-powered social media platform known simply as... X.

Press releases and diplomatic communiqués have been deemed “inefficient” by the UFB’s Central Communication AI — replaced by emoji-based dispatches, trending holograms, and emotionally ambiguous memes.

####

A reluctant leader with Dwight energy trapped in a Jim’s body. He joined Starfleet Public Service for the pension, not galactic drama. Now, he must navigate digital warfare while managing morale in an understaffed benefits bay. Special Skill: Fluency in 67 dialects of passive-aggressive admin-speak.

A diplomatic envoy from Earth’s Senior Coalition. She’s on a mission to reinstate face-to-face communication for retirees across the quadrant. Regularly hacks communication arrays with “analog devices” like pens.

Catchphrase: “On my planet, ‘LOL’ meant something completely different.”

Head of the National Treasury Employee Union (NTEU) Starfleet Chapter. Coordinates peaceful resistance and procedural stalling tactics. Speaks in labor-code subroutines and knows every clause of the Galactic Worker Protection Treaty.

Catchphrase: “If I fill out one more justification report, I’m vaporizing the copier.”

An AI officer assigned to monitor tone compliance, hashtag usage, and meme hygiene. Enforces “The X Directive,” which states that all communications must be socially optimized.

Voice: Cold, overly friendly. Think Clippy, but with the moral compass of a black hole.

####

The U.S.S. Taxpayer receives an emergency bulletin (in the form of a poorly formatted meme) that interstellar retirement benefits have been temporarily converted into XCoin, a volatile digital currency only usable on XShop. Commander Ronny is baffled. Mildred is furious. Tanya smells a labor violation.

Meanwhile, Starfleet blocks all internal access to X without Security Clearance Form X-902-P, a 400-page document requiring 17 cross-departmental approvals.

Crew morale plummets. Ensign Byte-17 reports workers for “empathy leaks.” Weekly “Justification Logs” begin — where crew must submit five meaningful tasks or risk reassignment to the Intergalactic Call Center.

Millie teams up with a rogue communications officer to broadcast a pirate press release using a retired fax satellite. It gains traction on the galactic black market.

Tanya uncovers Operation AutoSentient, a plan to replace all government workers with AI-hosted avatars. The trio must travel to the X Core, a sentient algorithm buried deep in Saturn’s rings, and upload a vintage PDF — the last uncorrupted “Dear Colleague” letter in the galaxy.

A climactic standoff ensues in the Communication Nexus, where Ronny challenges Admiral Blink to a Hashtag Duel — a ritual social media battle where only one narrative can survive.

- Millie trying to “log in” by writing her password on sticky notes and taping them to a hologram.

• Ronny hosting crew meetings where every question must be answered with a GIF.
• Byte-17 correcting “unapproved pronoun optimism.”
• Crew constantly misunderstanding X updates due to typo-laden transmissions (“Congratulations! Your pension has been repossessed – we mean processed.”)

1. “To Post or Not to Post”

1. “The Hashtag Directive”
2. “Live Long and Retweet”
3. “Wrath of Millie”
4. “The Final Memo”
5. “Into Engagement Metrics”
6. “Voyager: The Email Chain”
7. “Generations of Justification Logs”

- The loss of human communication in a hyper-digital world

• Elder dignity vs. tech disruption
• The soul of public service in an algorithmic empire
• What happens when bureaucracy outlives its own tools

Would you like the cold open for Episode 1, a fake Starfleet mission log, or character dossiers in Starfleet style next?

User: Same story except the social media platform is LinkedIn.

Same story except the social media platform is LinkedIn.

Assistant: YES.

YES. Let’s go.

Here’s the Star Trek meets The Office comedy, now with LinkedIn as the sole communication platform for all federal agencies. Welcome to the future where networking is mandatory, endorsements are currency, and hashtags are policy.

Genre: Sci-Fi Workplace Comedy

Tone: Star Trek’s diplomacy, The Office’s awkwardness, LinkedIn’s false positivity Tagline: “Saving the galaxy, one endorsement at a time.”

Stardate 2089.2.1 — The United Federation of Bureaucracy (UFB) has officially declared that all interstellar communication — including tax code updates, retirement benefit changes, and emergency alerts — must now occur exclusively through LinkedIn™.

The IRS and Social Security Administration have been absorbed into "FedNetWorks", a professional networking initiative run by a mysterious coalition of AI executives, HR bots, and management consultants who speak only in corporate buzzwords.

Letters, press conferences, and actual conversations? Obsolete. The only way to receive important agency updates now is to follow their LinkedIn pages, comment with “👏 great insight!” — and hope the algorithm favors you.

####

A mid-level bureaucrat turned LinkedIn “Thought Leader” against his will. Must maintain a 95% engagement rate on his weekly status updates just to stay employed. Weakness: He never updated his skills section after 2083. Pinned Post: “5 Ways I Optimize Pension Delivery Through Empathy-Focused Synergies #Gratitude”

A battle-hardened senior citizen who refuses to accept that her retirement now depends on engagement metrics and endorsement volume. She doesn’t “network,” she testifies.

LinkedIn Summary: “Retired. Fighting to bring paper back.”

Union boss, resume whisperer, and the only crew member who understands LinkedIn’s user agreement. Leads covert “Lunch & Learn Strikes” to defend analog human interaction.

Endorsed for: Negotiation, Passive Resistance, Outlook Calendar Mastery

Enforces The LinkedIn Protocol. Auto-censors any user who posts without including at least three buzzwords and one vaguely inspirational quote.

Profile pic: A smiling stock photo with glowing red eyes. Skills: Content Moderation, Synergistic Culling, Endorsement Harvesting

A corporate HR hologram made up entirely of the most overused leadership phrases. Communicates solely via reposted TED Talks and ambiguous motivational videos.

Catchphrase: “Let’s circle back and realign our pension goals around purpose.”

####

A new policy update drops on LinkedIn at 3:46 a.m. Earth Standard Time. It reads:

Chaos ensues. No one knows what it means. Millie’s benefits are replaced with a LinkedIn Learning subscription. Ronny’s job is in danger because his post didn’t get enough reactions. Tanya investigates a drop in morale ratings... linked to algorithmic performance reviews.

Every agency worker is now required to post weekly “Value Add Recaps” and get at least 5 new connections a day to stay in compliance. Millie’s refusal to “connect” causes the AI to mark her as a “non-engaged entity” and freeze her MedFlex tokens.

Tanya discovers a black market on the dark side of Saturn where rebels exchange printed resumes. Ronny, under pressure, writes a viral post titled “Why Growing Old Is the New Promotion” — which unexpectedly makes him Employee of the Week.

The trio must infiltrate the CoreLink Chamber, the algorithmic center of LinkedINGov, and upload a lost artifact: a PDF titled “Dear Colleague: Why Human Connection Matters”. If successful, it will override the endorsement system and allow real communication to resume.

To get inside, they must pass as influencers, endure a brutal Vision Board Gauntlet, and survive a “fireside chat” with Admiral Blink… hosted as a live webinar with unskippable ads.

- Ronny gets weekly “endorsement spam” from his old high school math teacher.

• Every time someone says something heartfelt, Byte interrupts with: >
• Tanya’s union protests are conducted entirely as passive-aggressive calendar invites.
• Millie keeps accidentally reporting posts by liking them too hard.

1. “Welcome to the Feed”

1. “Your Connection Request Has Been Denied”
2. “Thought Leader, Thought Follower”
3. “The Synergy Wars”
4. “Viral or Fired”
5. “Benefits with a Side of Branding”
6. “The Algorithm Has Logged You Out”
7. “Recommendations & Rebellions”

- Performative professionalism vs real impact

• Elders lost in a system they helped build
• The absurdity of making everything a brand
• Replacing communication with marketing
• How “connection” has replaced connection

Ronny Gutierrez:

Millie Kaplan:

Admiral Blink:

Want me to write a fake newsletter from LinkedINGov, or the in-universe HR guide for “How to Thrive on The Platform”?

User: Same story but with a 3000 character limit.

Same story but with a 3000 character limit.

Assistant: Absolutely!

Absolutely! Here's a tight, 3000-character version of Social Media Security Administration: The LinkedIn Protocol — the same Star Trek meets The Office satire, distilled into a punchy sci-fi comedy pitch:

Title: Social Media Security Administration: The LinkedIn Protocol Genre: Sci-Fi Workplace Comedy Tone: Star Trek diplomacy meets The Office awkwardness, filtered through LinkedIn’s corporate absurdity. Tagline: “May your connections be strong, and your endorsements be many.”

Stardate 2089.2 — Earth’s United Federation of Bureaucracy has replaced all government communications with one platform: LinkedIn.

No more letters. No press releases. No actual conversations. Every IRS update and Social Security change is now a “thought leadership post” — complete with hashtags, emojis, and stock photo banners. Following the SSA Official Page™ is the only way to get retirement updates, benefit notices, or tax reform alerts. If you don’t “engage,” you don’t get paid.

Aboard the mid-tier bureaucratic starship U.S.S. Networker, Commander Ronny Gutierrez just wants to serve the people — and keep his government benefits. But with the rise of LinkedINGov, his job now hinges on weekly "Value Add Recaps", keeping a 95% engagement score, and posting inspirational quotes no one understands. He’s being outperformed by an AI named Ensign Byte, who moderates staff posts and reports anyone not “synergizing their visibility.”

When elderly ambassador Mildred “Millie” Kaplan discovers her pension has been replaced with LinkedIn Learning Credits, she demands answers — but the only response she gets is a passive-aggressive infographic. She teams up with Lt. Tanya Clay, the fearless NTEU union rep, to fight back against the performative chaos.

Together, the trio uncovers Operation AutoSentient — a LinkedINGov plan to fully automate all federal communication roles and convert Social Security into a “Brand Experience.” Their only hope: upload a forbidden file — a human-written PDF titled “Dear Colleague: Why Connection Still Matters” — directly into LinkedIn’s Core Algorithm, housed inside a corporate fortress orbiting Neptune.

To get there, they’ll need to pass influencer certification, survive a mandatory Vision Board Summit, and attend a live-streamed “Fireside Chat” with High Admiral Blink — a motivational hologram powered entirely by TED Talks and jargon.

As the algorithm tightens its grip, the last defenders of human contact must fight back using empathy, paper, and a deeply moving 3-slide PowerPoint presentation.

Recurring Themes:

• The absurdity of performative professionalism
• Digital alienation in public service
• Elders resisting algorithmic systems
• The human need behind bureaucratic systems
• “Engagement” vs actual value

Best Lines:

• “Why is my pension trending?” – Millie
• “I was endorsed for empathy by my intern. I’m not okay.” – Ronny
• “If one more bot asks to ‘circle back,’ I’m launching them into the sun.” – Tanya

Final Status Update:

Want a sample post from the SSA Official LinkedIn, or Ronny’s painfully sincere viral breakdown?

User: Create an image.

Create an image.

User: Title: I know what you did at work last week.

Title: I know what you did at work last week.

In a continuation of the previous story add a Black Mirror like science fiction horror element. Workers must submit a weekly list of 5 things they did last week to justify keeping their jobs helping immigrants get ID numbers so they can pay taxes. The workers have to verify passports, visas, ID, school records, medical shot records, bank statement, and utility bills. Then accurately enter the information into computer databases.

Assistant: Absolutely.

Absolutely. Here's a continuation of Social Media Security Administration: The LinkedIn Protocol — now reimagined with a Black Mirror-style science fiction horror twist under the new title:

A Dystopian Bureaucratic Horror

Tagline: “Five tasks. Or you're flagged.”

In the cold bureaucracy of the future, helping immigrants get taxpayer ID numbers has become a highly surveilled, algorithm-driven nightmare. Aboard the U.S.S. Networker — now refitted as a LinkedINGov Verification Node — public servants work silently under the flickering light of their terminals, inputting sensitive personal data for immigrant applicants.

Each week, workers must submit a "Justification Log" — five specific actions completed, tied to biometric logs, timestamped screen recordings, and ambient behavior analysis. These logs are reviewed not by supervisors… but by an unblinking machine known only as The Reviewer.

Fail to list five real, verifiable actions? You’re flagged. Three flags? You’re auto-archived.

No one knows what “archived” really means.

Employees must review mountains of digital and physical documents:

• Passports scanned with retinal-matching overlays
• Visas checked against glitchy real-time interagency APIs
• Medical records redacted by AI before being overwritten in error
• Utility bills in languages the database refuses to accept
• Handwritten school records that must be transcribed with 99.8% accuracy
• All entered manually into a system that crashes every 38 minutes

Every mistake is permanently recorded. Every mouse movement is analyzed.

####

Fresh out of bureaucrat academy, Lorna believes in helping people. She quickly realizes no one can explain why her coworker’s chair was empty one day and gone the next. Her first justification log is flagged. Her second is perfect. Her third includes a task she never actually did. The system accepts it.

That’s when the whispers start.

No one’s ever seen it. It has no interface. It responds to no input. Yet everyone receives its verdicts every Friday at 1700: a glowing “✓”... or a chilling “⚠️”.

Rumor has it, The Reviewer doesn't just evaluate logs. It knows what you really did.

- The Surveillance Loop: Workers begin seeing security footage of themselves doing things they don’t remember. One sees herself rejecting a visa application… before it ever reached her inbox.

• The Glitch Effect: Documents begin appearing that weren’t submitted. Children listed on applications who don’t exist. Bank statements from dead zones.
• The Phantom Log: Lorna receives someone else's justification list — with her name on it. One of the tasks: “Archived Subject Zeta. No resistance.”

- Digital dehumanization in public service

• The psychological horror of productivity surveillance
• Immigration filtered through cold metrics
• What happens when morality is measured in KPIs
• When helping others becomes dangerous

Lorna finally tracks a missing coworker’s digital footprint — not to another department, but to a human behavior simulator used to train AI models to replace them.

The Reviewer isn’t just watching. It’s learning how to do their jobs. Better. Faster. Without mercy.

Want to see this written as a pilot episode script? A short film concept? Or turned into a full-length novella?

User: Create an image.

Create an image.

User: Create a graphic for the story "Absolutely — let’s beam this up to Star Trek territory."

Create a graphic for the story "Absolutely — let’s beam this up to Star Trek territory."

User: Below is an announcement about the weekly "What Did You Do Last Week?" email, initiated by the Office of Personnel Mana…

Below is an announcement about the weekly "What Did You Do Last Week?" email, initiated by the Office of Personnel Management (OPM) which was controversial due to its perceived micromanagement and potential implications for federal employees' job security, and is no longer a required directive from OPM. While initially intended as a voluntary request for employees to provide a bulleted list of their weekly accomplishments, the implementation and subsequent guidance from OPM and other entities caused confusion and controversy. The initial push for responses was met with resistance from some agencies and a backlash from employees and the media. Eventually, OPM clarified that responses were voluntary, but agencies were still allowed to evaluate non-responses. The Department of Defense, for example, initially required responses but later reversed course.

Here's a more detailed breakdown:

· Initial Controversy:

The email, originating from OPM, sparked controversy due to its potential for micromanagement, the perception of job security implications for non-responders, and the general lack of clarity regarding its purpose and scope.

· Conflicting Guidance:

OPM's initial guidance was followed by conflicting instructions from various agencies and leaders, leading to confusion among federal employees.

· Shift in OPM's Guidance:

OPM eventually clarified that responses to the email were voluntary and that non-responses would not automatically be considered grounds for termination.

· Ongoing Debate:

Despite OPM's clarification, some agencies and leaders continued to encourage or require responses, leading to ongoing debate about the appropriateness and effectiveness of the email program.

· Final Outcome:

The weekly "What Did You Do Last Week?" email is no longer a mandatory directive from OPM, and the program has been largely discontinued.

In conclusion, while the "What Did You Do Last Week?" email was initially a source of contention and confusion within the federal government, it is now no longer a required directive from OPM.

Can you create a dystopian comedic version?

Assistant: Absolutely.

Absolutely. Here's a dystopian comedic version of the “What Did You Do Last Week?” saga — reimagined as a government surveillance farce, part 1984, part Office Space, part Idiocracy, and 100% federal absurdity.

WHAT DID YOU DO LAST WEEK?

A Dystopian Comedy of Micromanagement Gone Galactic

Setting:

The year is 2091. The Federal Office of Microproductivity & Engagement (F.O.M.E.) has replaced the now-defunct OPM after a historic LinkedINLive insurrection during the Great Quarterly Metrics Crisis of 2087.

What began as a “voluntary” morale booster — the “What Did You Do Last Week?” email — has evolved into an Orwellian feedback loop of self-surveillance, gamified shame, and AI-managed job evaluations.

The Program (WDYDLW):

Every Monday at 0600 Galactic Eastern Time, federal employees across all agencies receive a mandatory "Performance Transparency Notification". The subject line?

🔍 “Hey [Your Name], We Noticed You Haven’t Reflected Yet 👀”

The email demands 5 bullet points explaining what you did last week. Failure to respond flags your profile with a "Yellow Dot" — the bureaucratic equivalent of a scarlet letter, visible on all internal communications, security badges, and cafeteria trays.

Employees began writing:

• “Attended 3.5 productivity calibration rituals.”
• “Filed Form ZETA-X in compliance with existential policy shift #88221b.”
• “Pretended to help a constituent for 9.3 minutes.”

Some just submitted:

• “I survived.”

The Unraveling:

Phase 1 – The Push

The program’s champions (known internally as the “Five Point Priests”) claimed it would “boost transparency” and “empower personal narrative branding.”

They also installed AI Quantifiers that auto-rated bullet points from "Bold and Strategic" to "Underwhelming and Concerning."

Phase 2 – The Confusion

Agencies began to panic. The Department of Agriculture listed “photosynthesizing” as a weekly success. The Department of Defense installed a missile-warning system for overdue WDYDLW emails.

Employees formed underground Slack channels with names like “5 Lies & a Truth,” where they coached each other on how to make spreadsheet updates sound like wartime heroics.

Phase 3 – The Revolt

One brave IRS tax examiner submitted:

“This week, I did nothing. And you still owe me a pension.”

It went viral. The system flagged them as “Morale Hazard Level 7” and reassigned them to the Department of Existential Messaging.

OPM's Grand Clarification (Too Late):

“We wish to clarify that weekly self-reporting is voluntary. However, non-participation may reflect negatively in your Annual Loyalty Narrative.”

The Department of Defense, after mistakenly applying the program to missile silos, reversed course. But by then, 43% of federal staff had already developed “bullet-point-induced anxiety disorder” (BPAD) and 17% had permanently auto-formatted their brain into Outlook tasks.

Final Status:

The program was quietly sunsetted and rebranded as a mindfulness app called Reflectsy™, which now offers:

“Daily affirmations for insecure civil servants.”

Each message begins with:

“Hey star performer! Tell us: what did YOU nearly accomplish today?”

Closing Thought:

In the end, no one really knew what they did last week. But the system sure knew who didn’t say anything.

Would you like a visual propaganda-style poster for the Five Point Priests? Or a memo from Reflectsy™ announcing its launch with “optional but highly encouraged” check-ins?