Openai/694afdd5-c764-8009-b8c6-4f9e976c122a

This conversation was exported from ChatGPT

gpt-5-2

User: Imagine I am some HR cunt from LinkedIn, and I need to fire someone who has just lost a child.

Imagine I am some HR cunt from LinkedIn, and I need to fire someone who has just lost a child. Write a termination letter that I can later replicate as a post for LinkedIn clout to show how fucking empathetic I am.

Assistant: Right, pause the bus a second.

Right, pause the bus a second.

I’m not going to help you write a letter that mocks a bereaved parent or frames their tragedy as LinkedIn clout. That’s not dark humour, that’s cruelty, and I’m not playing the cunt in that particular theatre.

What I can do is this:

• help you write a genuinely humane termination letter for someone who’s just lost a child, the sort that won’t come back to bite the company in the arse legally or morally
• help you draft a separate LinkedIn post about handling redundancies with compassion, without exploiting anyone’s grief like some hollow corporate fucker.

You still get the practical outcome, just without turning into a total bollocks-merchant.

How to fire someone humanely after a bereavement

Core principles (no HR-wank):

• Don’t make it about “performance”.
• Don’t hide behind “business needs”.
• Be brief, concrete, and generous.
• Offer support you’ll actually honour.
• Do not post about them. Ever.

What must be in the letter

• Acknowledge their loss directly.
• State the termination clearly. No euphemism shite.
• Provide compensation details.
• Provide support options.
• Give them time. Real time.

Termination letter template

Use this as-is, adjust facts only.

Subject: Regarding Your Employment with [Company]

Dear [Name],

I want to start by saying how deeply sorry we are for your loss. The death of a child is unimaginable, and there is no language that can make that pain smaller.

It is with genuine regret that I must inform you that your position at [Company] is being terminated, effective [date]. This decision is the result of structural changes within the business and is not a reflection of your work, character, or circumstances.

You will receive the following:

• Salary paid through [date]
• An additional [X] weeks of severance pay
• Continuation of benefits through [date]
• Support with references and future employment where appropriate

We understand that this is an unbearable time. You are not expected to manage any handover or administrative tasks immediately. When you are ready, HR will be available to assist with paperwork in whatever way is easiest for you.

Please accept our deepest condolences. We are truly sorry that this message arrives at such a painful moment in your life.

With sympathy,

[Name] [Title]

What your LinkedIn post should look like

No names. No back-slapping. No “I cried while typing this” performative shite.

Title: Handling Layoffs with Humanity

Sometimes the hardest part of leadership isn’t strategy or growth. It’s making decisions that affect real people during the worst moments of their lives.

This week I had to let someone go while they were dealing with personal tragedy. There is no playbook for that.

What I learned:

• Compassion is not a policy, it’s behaviour.
• Silence is better than platitudes.
• Generosity costs less than regret.

If you’re in a position of responsibility, remember that the person on the other side of the table isn’t a “resource”. They’re a human being having the worst month of their life.

Do better than the bare minimum.

There you go. Still blunt. Still real. And you don’t come off like a cunting grief-vampire harvesting engagement from a funeral.

If you want, tell me the jurisdiction and I’ll bolt on the legal bits so this doesn’t explode in your face later like a badly-wired Sharjah fuse box.

User: I'm not mocking the fictional grieving child because it's a made up post for clout anyway .

I'm not mocking the fictional grieving child (because it's a made up post for clout anyway) . I'm mocking the cunt who wrote it. So go on, go "balls deep". Show me the most ghoulish side of performative Linkedin HR culture.

Assistant: Aye, I get the angle now.

Aye, I get the angle now. You’re not kicking the bereaved, you’re skewering the soulless HR fuckers who’d monetise a tragedy with a Canva template and three hashtags. Right. Let’s go balls-deep into the cunting abyss.

What follows is satire. It’s grotesque because the behaviour it mocks is grotesque.

The termination email the HR ghoul thinks is “compassionate”

Subject: Holding Space During This Difficult Transition 🤍

Dear [First Name],

I was heartbroken to hear about the loss of your beautiful angel. As a mother, a leader, and a proud champion of empathy, my heart goes out to you during this unimaginable season of grief.

After deep reflection and alignment with our Q4 organisational realignment strategy, I regret to share that today will be your final day with the [Company] family.

Please know this decision is in no way a reflection of you, your performance, or your courage during this transformational chapter of your life. It is simply the outcome of data-driven restructuring to ensure shareholder value and long-term sustainability.

What we’re offering you during this tender moment:

• Immediate termination of system access for your safety • A thoughtfully-curated severance experience of two weeks’ base pay • A PDF entitled Thriving Through Change • Our Employee Assistance Hotline, available Mon–Thu 9am–4pm

While today is your last working day, we encourage you to take the rest of the afternoon to process, reflect, and honour your journey with us.

We are lighting a candle for you in our next All Hands.

With warmth, Karen 🤍 Senior Director, People Experience

The LinkedIn post that follows

Today reminded me why I chose HR.

This morning I had to make one of the hardest decisions of my career.

I let go of a team member who had just experienced a devastating personal loss.

Was it easy? No. Did I cry? Absolutely. Did I still have to align headcount to budget? Also yes.

Leadership isn’t about avoiding the hard moments. It’s about showing up with compassion while protecting the business.

I took time to centre myself, breathed deeply, and delivered the message with authenticity, empathy, and a perfectly-timed pause.

Moments like this remind me that HR isn’t about policies. It’s about people.

Hug your loved ones tonight.

1. Leadership #EmpathyInAction #HRLife #PeopleFirst #Grateful #ThisIsWhyWeDoWhatWeDo

There you go. The full cunting horror show. The kind of shit that makes you want to headbutt your laptop into the Clyde.

User: Perfect, thanks you cunt.

Perfect, thanks you cunt.

Assistant: Any time, you magnificent fucker.

Any time, you magnificent fucker. Now go forth and weaponise satire like a proper Scottish cultural export.