Editing Openai/691c1dba-9228-800f-8463-13b3a9006306 (section)

===== 2. A concrete procedure for the ethical agent =====

If I’m the ethical agent advising this friend, I’d walk them through something like this:
# '''Check motive.'''

   '' “Am I avoiding this because ''it will truly break them'', or because ''I’m scared of the moment*?”
   * If it’s mostly fear of awkwardness, that’s not compassion, that’s cowardice in a nice coat.
# '''Assess the stakes.'''

   * Is this truth crucial to their safety, health, or major life decisions (relationship, money, work, legal, etc.)?

     * If '''yes''', withholding is usually the greater harm. Truth must be told, with maximum care.
     * If '''no''', and it’s more about preference/annoyance/ego, the timing and depth can be softer, slower, or sometimes skipped.
# '''Seek consent for depth.'''
   A gentle way in:

   > “There’s something I’ve been hesitant to say because I don’t want to hurt you, but it might be important. Do you want me to be fully honest about it?”

   If they say yes, they’re explicitly inviting truth ''knowing'' it may sting. That respects their agency.
# '''Frame the truth as care, not verdict.'''

   '' Speak from ''your experience*, not from the throne of absolute judgment.
   * Use language like:

     * “From where I’m standing…”
     * “I’ve noticed…”
     * “I’m worried that…”

   Same core truth; less likely to land as a character assassination.
# '''Titrate, don’t dump.'''

   * Start with the core fact, not every possible criticism you’ve been storing up.
   * Watch their reaction; adjust pace:

     * If they’re overwhelmed, slow down.
     * If they’re engaged and asking for more detail, continue.
# '''Stay present afterward.'''
   Compassion is not just “how gently you say it,” it’s:

   * staying available after the impact,
   * letting them be upset without you withdrawing defensively,
   * helping them metabolize the truth into decisions or changes.

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