Editing Openai/6904e1b3-b1d4-8007-b938-da625cb3f2bb (section)

=== User: going back to the puer aeternus. ===
going back to the puer aeternus.
what I observe in myself, is that I get excited about something, I start working on it, and I can go on for months, even when I'm exhausted, but suddenly the enthusiasm is gone and what's left is this heavy energy, like walking inside thorn branches. It's just impossible to continue.
What I gather is that my energy was transmuted into something heavy, I poured all of it into it, but the method, means and intent were not aligned.
For instance, I get excited about a game idea, start coding, but as I am doing it, I'm thinking of how would people play it, and how they would react and their opinions, and how I can promote the game, and monetize it, etc... All this things that exist in the world.
The mechanisms and systems of the world are built on fear and exploitation (emotional and physical) which is not aligned with the puer energy of playfulness, it becomes serious very quickly, and very serious to the point it becomes boring and dims the soul.
What's actually happening is that I am tuning into the collective shadow and perceiving all this energy of stagnation, it has nothing to do with the game, I just attuned myself to the collective shadow, and it's overwhelming.
So the key is integrating it by allowing it, letting it come closer and expanding inside of me, until I can see it clearly, a vast web of associations cultivated for thousands of years.
The way I found of transmuting it or integrating it is by writing a book exploring the associative nature of the mind.
Because honestly I don't think I can do it alone.