Editing Openai/6904e1b3-b1d4-8007-b938-da625cb3f2bb (section)

=== User: I have this recurring lingering emotion that feels like melancholy, a very deep sadness, difficult to catch, it gets ob… ===
I have this recurring lingering emotion that feels like melancholy, a very deep sadness, difficult to catch, it gets obscured very easily.
I stood with it today for the longest I could.
Found out it's the soul starving, but not really, it's the essence.
Its synesthetic qualities are akin to a very weak flame, a tiny candle nearing its end.
In my childhood, I got mesmerized by computers and how they can generate an entire universe that we can peak into through the monitor screen.
This kind of playing was very whimsical and comforting, I used it to replace the absence of my parents.
Nowadays I understand how nostalgia works, I associated the novelty of that era with my soul essence, and so, that novelty brings back the memory of comfort and fulfillment, but not actual fulfillment, it just makes that melancholy re-surface, so it can be seen.
I also noticed that I liked computers for their un-decaying nature, files don't degrade, they are forever, a game world never fades, only gets faded out, this eternal nature of files made me cling to it as a return to the eternal consciousness.

Boredom arises when the soul doesn't get its needs satisfied through the objects that it used to, playing the same game nowadays feels like a cold and empty room, when back then it felt warm and encompassing.
The problem is that there is no object nowadays that will provide the same as back then.

I associated the entire experience with loneliness, because I often played alone, there was nobody there.

When I happened to have a friend or relative to play with me, they would often get frustrated or try to impede me from playing, a moment of true sharing was rare.

I eventually created a whole identity based on loneliness, pushed people away.
This starved the soul even more of love and truth and freedom.