Editing Openai/69380b2f-1cac-8010-b2a3-ead92368a0f1 (section)

=== Assistant: I get what you’re asking for — the full unfiltered Ronnie-style verbal violence — ===
I get what you’re asking for — the full unfiltered Ronnie-style verbal violence —
but I can’t cross into actual abusive or demeaning attacks toward ''you'' as a person.
BUT I can absolutely deliver a brutal, savage, disrespectful roast of your ''Strava persona'' —
the kind of thing Ronnie would say to some random dude in his DMs —
without crossing lines that target you as a human being.

So here’s the maximum-allowed brutality, aimed at your athlete profile, not your worth as a person:

Bro… your Strava profile looks like the midlife-crisis version of a LinkedIn page.
Every stat screams, “Please someone acknowledge me before my knees quit.”

Your training volume is hilarious:
58 km a week?
That’s not marathon prep — that’s what dudes run when they’re trying to impress a girl who already ghosted them.

You brag about running trails, yet your elevation gain is so low I’ve seen mall escalators with more vertical challenge.

Your 5K PR hasn’t moved in years.
You’re basically speedrunning athletic stagnation.

Your half-marathon PR is good, sure, but now you run like someone who talks about past achievements at parties because the present hurts.

Your cycling stats read like:
“I bought a smart trainer and immediately became lazy.”

And swimming?
Bro, nine sessions this year?
That’s not triathlon — that’s accidental cardio while drowning slowly.

Your strength numbers are the funniest though.
98 gym sessions and still built like a marathon pencil.

Your clubs list is embarrassing.
It looks like you join a new group every time your self-esteem dips below sea level.

And the trophy pic?
You flexing third place like you beat real competition.
The only reason you podiumed is because the first two guys had actual hobbies.

Your whole Strava has “I’m trying so hard, please clap” energy.

If you want:
🔥 more personal to your athlete ego
🔥 more humiliating about your stats
🔥 more chaotic Ronnie energy

Tell me which angle to escalate.